#you don't even know how many people are rooting for your success<3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[jitterbugbear]

moving out moving on ♪♫

[landgraabbed]

hi Cat, can you share your thoughts/criticisms of DATV? i think the game is gonna flop.

hey nonners, idk. this is a complicated question. i mean, game's not even out yet so it's unfair to pass judgment on it. i can only judge bioware's approach to pre-release marketing. and i got a lot of thoughts on that.

honestly i think it will be a perfectly serviceable game and technically it will run well (i mean, it has been steam deck verified which tells me that performance was a big concern for devs). i don't think quality has much bearing on the love people can have for a game. and vice-versa. the people who are hyped to oblivion and want to preorder will like it. the people who hate it bc it has poc and queer and disabled characters will still hate it. people who analyze the game's mechanics and writing will dissect the game and be predisposed to finding things they dislike. over time opinions will mellow out and we'll see how the veilguard will be remembered.

i can't trust bioware to make an rpg that i will want to play after their last failures. different people will differ on where the string of failures started. from a quality standpoint my line is dragon age 2. me3 to me failed to deliver on the promise of the first 2 me games save for shining exceptions like the citadel dlc and javik. from a numbers standpoint the last successful game was inquisition which won goty in 2014 due to a serious lack of competition mostly, especially since witcher 3 was pushed back to 2015 (which pains me personally as that put it directly in bloodborne's path to goty in that year). thing is bioware seems to be doing all they can to avoid a flop. veilguard is bioware's hail mary after a string of failures. they are ditching the ea app to capture as many people as possible. the combat has fully careened into action, and although they keep telling us these will be the best companions ever, really, guys, the gameplay is more and more focused on the protagonist alone. the crpg roots of the series are getting cut down to attract a broader audience. perhaps at the cost of ostracizing some like me who enjoy the party-based, party-building mechanics like me.

how well this will go i don't know. on one hand i think bioware has been historically bad at showing the full scope to new and returning players. empress celene has been haunting the edges of the world since origins. the full grasp of her character is locked behind books. afaik some companions have been introduced already in supplemental materials. this sort of move didn't go well for ff15. on the other i think this game missed its window. the gaming landscape of today isn't the same as it was in 2014, and in 2014 the skyrim at home open world design was already outdated. i've been hearing about the crpg renaissance since 2016. i accompanied it. it remained a niche part of gaming until it didn't: baldur's gate 3 released last year to audience and critical acclaim. going forward i expect mainstream rpgs to take cues from bg3. and the mission based almost extraction shooter-esque design that veilguard seems to have might not land as well in 2024 as it would have in 2020.

eta: or it could go well, idk. morrowind and final fantasy were bethesda's and squaresoft's hail maries and saved those studios.

right now the marketing has missed the mark on me. it is patronizing and seemingly needs to punch down the previous da games to prop this one up. it concerns me that the game may be releasing in 2 months (as per jeff grubb) and we quite frankly haven't seen shit. just bioware telling us that trust me, these companions are deep. trust me, the combat is good. trust me, the city built on slave labor is totally the coolest one you've seen. everyone copies fromsoftware but they don't seem to learn to drop a trailer and shut up until they got more things of substance to show. and this isn't just a bioware issue.

[isagrimorie]

20 questions for fic writers

Thank you @curator-on-ao3 for tagging me!

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

48 stories

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

134,192 words

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Person of Interest, Life (NBC), Firefly, Doctor Who, Glee, Legacies, Fringe, Ranma 1/2, Once Upon a Time, Bunheads, Burn Notice, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Conversations with Dead People (Life, Sameen Shaw )- Shaw can see dead people.

Definitely, Maybe (Person of Interest, Root/Shaw) - It starts with a phone call.

Runtime Issues - (Person of Interest, Root/Shaw) - Root's on a deadline but she keeps running into one consistent problem.

Personal Day (Sameen Shaw, Root/Shaw, Person of Interest) - Shaw is taking a personal day, she's had it all planned. Cooked meal and Bear. But best laid plans are always thwarted.

Dodging Bullets - (Person of Interest/Mr & Mrs Smith Fusion, Root/Shaw) - On paper, Sam Shaw is a successful New York doctor in a stable relationship with a successful software consultant. In reality, Shaw is a Government assassin, a little bored with her stable relationship until a new mission starts shaking things up.

5. Do you respond to comments?

If I do, as much as possible, even though sometimes I feel repetitive thanking people for the comments.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I think it has to be Metamorphosis. Person of Interest -- a little bit of an AU to the finale. Proposing what if Harold didn't make it. But Shaw was there and Root!Machine to see him off.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I think it might be the Life (NBC)'s Gethsemane.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I don't think so. At least, I hope not!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I am not confident writing smut, I only did it once in Life. I don't think I moved it from livejournal to ao3.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I do! I love crossovers! There's the one where Dani Reese and Sameen Shaw are estranged twins, unfortunately unfinished called Gemini. And a Person of Interest/Elementary crossover.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I... don't think so. As far as I know but I would welcome it!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Oh, I tried but I don't think I've ever finished one. TBF I hardly finish any fic.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

This is so hard to answer because this is... what you would call seasonal. Right now in Trek 90s phase, it's Janeway/Seven. Although I am a multishipper sometimes Janeway/Chakotay sneaks in.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The list is waaay too long. But there's Dodging Bullets, the Mr and Mrs Smith but Root/Shaw, the aforementioned Gemini. The Person of Interest/Elementary crossover.

The Hope/Lizzie Legacies AU where Lizzie decides to stay in season 4 and help Hope during the time Lizzie split from Hope.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I do get the character voices right.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I seldom finish a story, unfortunately.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

If I find someone who is fluent, I would want to consult with them.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

It was an anime called Zenki. It was written in a mix of Tagalog and English.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

There are several:

New Ground (Doctor Who, Rose Tyler) - Rose on Parallel Earth AU before it was jossed by Journey's End.

Six months after Norway, she's moving on and letting go.

The first multi-chaptered story I've ever finished.

Human Landscape (Life, Dani Reese centric)

the sound of the city tonight / keeps my dreams and my demons alive. Reese and Crews solve the murder of two young drug dealers.

The longest fic I've ever written, a Reese-centric story with case-of-the-week elements.

I'm still proud of this because I started the story with an idea and it went through as planned. It's also the first I wrote in a stream-of-consciousness style that would be the style for most of my Life story.

I had such a strong sense of who Dani Reese was and I was gripped with the desire to write Dani's prequel story. And I'm glad I did!

Metamorphosis - (Person of Interest, Harold Finch, Sameen Shaw. Finale AU-ish.)

Once, long ago, when he realized the Machine had handpicked Sameen Shaw to join their team, he found the notes Dr. Shaw’s Chief Resident wrote. It struck Harold how much of a small-minded fool the doctor was to let such a talented and brilliant woman like Shaw go. She was his doctor and he trusted no other doctor than Miss Shaw.

I just re-read this story and I am pretty proud of this. The title is from the Philip Glass music playing in the finale. I love Finch and Shaw's friendship, so I wanted them to have more scenes.

Also, I was never that convinced Harold escaped unscathed. He either escapes but as trade-off, he gets his father's illness, or he doesn't escape.

“I can’t move you, Harold.” There was an edge of frustration in her words. “If I’d made it here sooner–” Shaw never needed comfort nor assurances but Harold regretted… He regretted too many things. Over her shoulder, Harold fancied he saw a woman in Root’s form with a black belted coat. She smiled at him sadly and placed a ghostly hand on Shaw’s shoulder. Sharp and still. Harold placed his hand over hers, his hand was sticky from his own blood. “I understand, Miss Shaw.” Shaw finally stopped moving. She looked at him for a long, long moment, and then she nodded. Harold watched as she wiped her hands on her pants, pulled his glasses from his face, and cleaned them. Miss Shaw's features came to sharp focus when she returned them. And then she sat next to him.

Tagging: If anyone would love to participate, please feel free! Just pick it up and move it along!

And I'd like to tag a few names but please don't feel obligated to participate in this if you don't want to!

@terapsina, @tea-earl-grey, @coraniaid, @explosionshark, @mihrsuri,

[animebw]

So I'm gonna try not to make too many comparisons between Sunshine and School Idol Project, cause this is its own series and it can stand or fall on its own merits. But episode 3 is very clearly trying to recapture the magic of SIP's episode 3, with the group's first ever concert toward a mostly empty auditorium as the first big "Oh fuck, all is lost" moment before rallying to a triumphant finish and telling the disapproving student council president that they intend to carry on... and it's just so much weaker in every respect.

Part of that's the repetition itself. A huge part of what made SIP's empty auditorium gut punch work so well is it that it wallops you out of nowhere; none of the other characters bring it up as a possibility beforehand, and while you probably don't expect a very high turnout for this freshly formed idol group, the fact that nobody's there at first is genuinely shocking. And you can't capture that kind of shock a second time now that your audience knows to expect it. Sunshine tries to mix it up with a power line blowing mid-concert as well as the initial low turnout, but the impact just isn't there. Especially when the whole town shows up seconds later.

Which brings me to another point: even when Muse turned it around, their first event was still realistically miniscule. They could count the number of people at that concert on their fingers. But even that small level of support was enough to keep them striving onward and soaring higher until they became icons. Maybe it wasn't the most realistic zero-to-hero story ever, but it grounded their future success with a baseline of how far they had to grow to get to that point. The whole town showing up for Aqours' first concert, on the other hand? I'm sorry, no matter how close-knit a rural community might be, I don't but that much support for them right off the bat. I can't root for that success as easily because it doesn't feel nearly as believable. Muse made a sub-ten-person audience count feel electric; Aquors packing its stadium full just feels cheap.

And as for that big confrontation with the student council president... look, there's a difference between having that conversation in a mostly empty auditorium and having that conversation in front of an adoring audience. Eri and Honoka's talk made sense in context because they were basically the only people in the room anyway, but Dia's got a whole crowd of people listening to her rant about not liking idols. Imagine how fucking awkward it must be to be in the audience, cheering for these girls on stage, and all of a sudden this weirdo's pushing through the audience telling them they're not gonna make it? Like, what? It just doesn't make sense for Dia to try and have that debate right there and then, nor does it make sense for the audience to have no reaction to it beyond clapping for Aquors. It turns the people in that crowd into faceless window dressing instead of, well, people, and it shatters the reality of the moment just as much as such a big crowd being there in the first place.

(Also I could rant about Eri's reasons for disapproving of Muse making so much more sense than Dia's thus far but I will save that for another day)

Maybe it seems overly nitpicky to spend this many words on a single scene. But I need you to understand that Muse's first concert was the moment I started to love this series. The fact it was able to sucker-punch me so effectively, to make me feel genuinely upset for Honoka and genuinely relieved when they were able to keep their dreams alive, is what made me realize that Love Live might just be something really special. It's what made me realize this series could sink its claws into me and make me care so much more than I ever could have imagined. That scene matters to me. It matters to Love Live. And if Sunshine wants to end up more as than a derivative, it cannot rely on ripping off its predecessor's triumphs without the skill of its own to justify them. It needs to carve its own path without the shadow of School Idol Project hanging over its every decision. And the sooner it starts doing that, the better.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 5/2/2023

some stuff i fucking HATED in this one

listening

new K. Flay AND new LUNA AURA singles out last friday but the thing that kept me company through several walks was this (billboard called it "industrial rager" which seems fine close enough) used for the yellowjackets tv show (something i have not watched and never will).

my brain has really craved repetitive lyrics recently. not sure what that's about. not a repeated lyric, but love one that goes "lipstick on the rifle". spotify

ty discover weekly.

reading

pour one out for the real ones, Vice's leftist gaming vertical Waypoint. if you've ever liked anything about the way i go about these posts you have them to thank. i would say they are the primary influence in the way i try to approach things like "is this a clever subversion that still holds a lot of love for the genre or does this not even know the rules it's trying to break". also a big factor in me going "okay this is what it says it is, this is the marketing copy and press releases" and a work says it's trying to do before assessing whether or not they do it well. may all the staff land softly, elsewhere, paid far more.

“There are a ton of destinations within gaming media that do a great job covering whether a game is worth your money. Instead, we want to focus on telling stories about why people play, and investigating how the games we love and spend so much time with come to be. Whether a game was a commercial success or has a small, dedicated community, we want to raise the conversation and take an in-depth look at the passion, people, and politics that underpin these worlds.” -Austin Walker, editor in chief until last year

the very last thing i read was this review of the new starred wars game, whose early review code sent to journalists was EXTREMELY different than what ended up shipping. this is uncommon but not unheard of, but almost nobody publishes a "null result" review like this one and it's a fascinating breakdown

This piece has, admittedly, gone off the rails, but if this had been a straightforward review, and at the end, I put an italicized section that said “based on 10 hours,” what would you say? If I’d finished the game but confessed at the end that the patched version was importantly different from the one I’d spent my time with, what then? Which review is worth more?

i also read Behind the Sun, Above the Moon, a non-binary scifi/fantasy anthology. i was not impressed with this collection in whole or in parts. it could have benefited from a stronger theme and editorial vision (i'm not actually sure this thing had an editor, now i'm looking closer?)

this has billed itself "a Queer anthology inspired by magic and the cosmos". what i was hoping/expecting this would be: a collection exploring what it means to be nonbinary through the lens of scifi and fantasy. it actually is: an almost completely human-centric collection about people who happen to be non-binary and happen to live in scifi or fantasy settings.

the critical problem is that most of them are very slice-of-life in a fantastic setting as opposed to a short story with uhhhhhh a theme and a point it makes. the worldbuilding, while often interesting, is not integral. 3/9 of these are set in a contemporary setting, and all of them could be set in a contemporary setting without losing much. 3/9 (one overlap) feature a protagonist or deuteragonist who is a cop, and all three of those read very gay assimilation-y/feel very concerned with perfect gay rep.

i don't really expect anyone to be the next o henry here, but none of them are self-contained. not the sort of ambiguous ending in the Ha Ha Im Going To Think About This For The Rest Of My Life way, they all feel like “first chapter of a planned new adult trilogy”.

i love anthologies. i am always rooting for anthologies. i am no stranger to imperfectly written speculative fiction. this one is just kind of nothing? none of these are good or particularly enjoyable examples of the form, either as short stories or as speculative fiction.

i don't actually know what tipped me off to this book, it's been on my overdrive for...two years.

watching

two out of three Magnificent Seven sequels are not worth my time, your time, or anyone else's. i have not bothered to watch Guns of the Magnificent Seven (1969, dir. Wendkos) bc i have a finite amount of time on this bitch of an earth.

i reluctantly have to hand the original some heterosexual rights. that move had a genuinely cute romance that fit in well with a particular character's growth, even if it was lifted whole cloth from Seven Samurai. this will be relevant when we discuss this franchise's hatred for women later.

Return of the Seven/Return of the Magnificent Seven (1966, dir. Kennedy), starring exactly one member of the original seven, is so poorly paced that i paused the film during an "exciting" bullfight, got up to get more snacks, got distracted, and ended up cleaning my kitchen.

there is a great deal of untranslated, un-captioned spanish throughout this movie, including the entire opening sequence. i don't know how i feel about this. on one hand, yeah, fuck them americans, and i would not call the english-language dialogue particularly crucial to your understanding of the plot. on the other hand, what.

as opposed to the original seven all being men who are fairly polite and follow some sort of code, the replacement five are all kind of sleazy? one of them only signs on bc there's an entire village full of women on their own. in other relationships, there is the KERNEL of a really fascinating fucked up family dynamic between the villain and his sons, but we don't even get hints of that until well after the halfway point. this is the original movie but less interesting and sloppier. the camerawork and effects simply are not there.

The Magnificent Seven Ride! (1972, dir. McCowan) is a really, really awful film to watch, and not just if you're a woman. this whole fucking film uses three separate instances of rape or gang rape as plot momentum. if you are not trying to fill out lee van cleef's filmography (only a thing me and @birdcfparadise are insane enough to do) this is actively skippable.

like okay. let’s just walk through the first fifteen minutes. lvc's young, new, nubile wife convinces him to let a kid who robbed a store get off with a warning instead of what lvc really wants to do, send him to jail. in return, the kid shoots lvc, kidnaps lvc's wife, and rapes and kills her on the trail. the movie, which wasn't good to start out with, does not improve from there. like the other sequel i watched, this is the original movie but less interesting and sloppier.

the one interesting choice this film makes: one of the seven is a failed journalist tailing lvc, hoping to get enough life details out of him to write a book. this is a fun period-appropriate twist and this could have been a fun proto-revisionist western/gracefully put the franchise to bed, but here we FUCKING are.

why'd i do this to myself: liked the original, like lvc.

playing

the steam collections i'm sorting things into areworking, bc i forgot i owned Call of Juarez: Gunslinger (2013, developed/published Techland). i do not remember buying this, i assume it was $1.99 in a sale at some point. this is a silly arcade-y first person shooter.

i suspect it will be the kind of thing i play through once and then completely forget about, but i will have a fun ten hours-ish.

this is a personal problem, but the moment you give me a long-distance rifle, i want to play as stealthily and perfectly as possible. (except in fallout, where it is way more fun to charge up to enemies like a very small freight train with a shotgun). this game is simply not built for stealth. this game wants you to move constantly. i do like how enemies are encountered in little groups or knots, and don't come after you if you've cleared out one group and haven't hustled along to the next. enemy AI was simply not very sophisticated in 2013. this gives me time to meander around looking at everything and going "oh i coulda got up on that water tower" or "totally missed that barrel of dynamite".

i like how over the top but un-self-serious it is so far. competent shooter, fewer of the bells and whistles we expect from a FPS these days, but we don't really need to be fucking around with health packs and more than one kind of ammo for a gun. nothing's really annoying me yet and i haven't fallen deeply in love with it, so i don't have a ton of thoughts other than "huh this is a decade old video game with decade-old design sensibilities, which isn't bad just different". stay tuned!

separate thought: i do think that the game's artstyle is about as detailed as i ever want a game to get. nothing ever really needs to be more realistic than this. i do think we peaked in 2013 and what 2013 CPUs could handle. we have better raytracing and particles and whatnot now, but that's at the cost of eerily hyperrealistic games where there is little to no non-signage visual signposting. nothing is guiding your eye through a level, things (consumables, collectibles, etc) are very easy to miss. if video games are an art form you need to pick a thing your game looks like. make a stylistic choice for christ's sake. not this game though. it's doing okay.

making

made some fake meatballs (shut up) bc the giant bag of bargain store brand meatballs i used to practically live on have risen to $20 a bag. angel hair and meatballs are easy to acquire and easy to eat, even if they do generate many dishes to wash.

making my own is not much cheaper, and raw ground meat texture is one of the worst things in the world. plus i had some carrots and oats and lentils to use up anyway. this required more chopping than my hands cared for, even though i bought pre-juilenned carrots and just sort of roughly diced them. the texture is UNSETTLINGLY like real meatballs. that sort of spongy? bouncy? mouthfeel. the taste is, of course, nothing like real meat. they are a little crumbly in actual pasta, but oversaucing whatever noodles are at the back of the pantry will help.

no pics bc they look awful. eating a lot of various lentil sludges lately partly bc i am trying to clean out my pantry before i move, and when i could still afford grocery delivery they frequently gave me green instead of the far superior red lentils.

[thisdreamplace]

Dream, I trust you a lot, and sorry for dumping my mess in here but... I feel like I'm going through a lot lately and I'm confused as for where I stand. I feel like this year, a lot has been happening that has never happened before. For example, I feel like I've been getting my ego hurt a lot. I was someone who always believed a lot in myself (in my ego) and for example, lovewise, whenever I liked someone I always had this belief of "anyone I want, wants me" and it was always true for me. This year though, that belief has been challenged and I have been humbled real good.

I have a friend who's been triggering me a lot, not that she is doing anything, I have found I feel some sort of envy that I dislike, but I can't deny it. Something happened recently where a guy I had a crush on (it was not serious AT ALL, just a little crush), no one knew except for her and myself, and then we found out he liked my friend and not me. She started feeling guilty about it, but I was not angry at all (why would I be). Now I am angry because she's been pitying me and trying to "make me feel good" about something I didn't feel bad about. I feel ashamed? Because I can imagine her telling other people about it and pitying me because this guy likes her and not me, and that bothers me lmao.

Also about the envy, I feel like she's so effortless and everything is so easy for her, I know that I am always planning and overthinking and things do not seem to go my way, so it bothers me how she doesn't even try. It's funny because I have been on a spiritual path where it is constantly repeated that there is not effort required and then the proof (my friend) shows up in my reality and I am triggered af by it.

I don't want to feel this envy towards someone I am supposed to love and care about. She's been a very good friend and I'm feeling like a bitch. I just can't be happy when she's happy and I don't know how to change it. I feel like a horrible person.

And about the guy, I cried, not because of him, but because I feel like this year I have been put through so many moments where I am constantly being rejected, I don't know how to deal with it because I had never been rejected and I know we repeat "there is nothing to change, things happen in a perfect way" but then we also have revision. So I don't know what to do. I don't know how to differentiate acceptance from internalizing things that make me feel horrible. I feel victimized haha, and I feel like there's nothing I can do for me, except accepting victimhood. Omg I swear I am so confused and I feel so trapped 😭

hello <3

i'm glad you feel you can trust me. thanks for coming here to open up about your experiences and how you feel <3

i think that its veryyyy normal to go thru this phase in life where suddenly you're triggered by things that weren't triggering before. think about it, its really easy to not be triggered when everything goes well. and when its suddenly not going well... well when we easily waver like that, it shows that maybe we werent as confident, or secure, or trusting, etc etc as we thought. it allows us to deal with shadows that were buried deep, so that we can continue with experiencing the pure love and abundance that is there for us beyond those painful illusions.

comparison is the root of so much pain. that envy you feel is normal so give yourself a bit of grace here. we've all felt envious or jealous before in our lives and thats okay. the issue here is simple the way you see her and the way you compare yourself to her as if shes the pinnacle of success. but shes just living her life, and through that youre able to see where your own self beliefs are.

the thing is that if we can see people's wins as wins for ourselves and not something that works against us, we are able to manifest more lovely things for ourselves. here's some affirmations you could go off of to help you begin shifting your perspective: there is so much X for everyone ! including me ! (example: there is so much love for everyone, including me)

take it slow and let urself feel it out, bc trying to push down ur feelings never helps, it only encourages them to grow. so let yourself feel how you feel but don't settle with it. make the decision to, slowly but surely, shift your perspective on how things have been unfolding and begin anew.

its okay to feel like a victim for a little bit, to let yourself be engrossed in the drama and melancholy of that, sometimes its what we need. the thing is that you don't stay there forever, you give yourself a moment to feel it all out and you get to decide when you want to start again as someone who is choosing to actively believe in themselves and in their lives. i would say forget about revision here, bc revision can be more like an attempt at control when youre feeling so low, and when youre feeling that low and out of control, its best to surrender and accept where youre at so that you can move forward.

i hope this helps in some way ! <3

xo

[intern-seraph]

Hello. I hope you don't mind me asking. There aren't many Jewish people in my country and there never have been. I know very little of Jewish people and so do most of my countrymen. Because of the recent events I have had this, not even a conversation, just an offhanded remark, many times with many people: Why is it that the Jewish people are so hated? Why do so many people hate you? We genuinely don't understand or know. We have no hate for you, you are just people we don't know much about and don't really think about. Of course, we know about the holocaust and all that, but where does all this hate originate from? I'm honesty and genuinely confused. I'm really sorry that so many people hate you. I wish it weren't so.

<3 The confusion is understandable, and the answer likely won't help clarify much, because it's rather, uh, depressing. The following is a cursory summary of what, to my knowledge, are in the roots of antisemitism in its various waves and forms. This is the Wikipedia page on the history of antisemitism — yes, Wikipedia isn't the most reliable, but they cite their sources and this page has links to more detailed pages on antisemitism in specific regions and time periods— if you want to get in the dirt of it all. There are some parts I disagree with re: some of the descriptions of "New antisemitism", but the purpose of the page is to document it as an idea, not as an endorsement or as approval.

There is no reason, at least nothing actually rational or defensible (which is the nature of bigotry: it's irrational). It's because we're inconvenient (we're in the way, we're in the wrong place, we've become too successful where we live. which ties into...), we refuse to assimilate (we have maintained our traditions for thousands of years without giving in to larger cultural pressures to blend in, and thus disappear as a people), we were legally forced into certain roles that made us targets (the greedy Jew stereotype can be traced back to and was reinforced by Jews only being allowed to work as moneylenders and other money-related jobs considered "unsuitable" for Christians in Europe). Early antisemitism, back in the classical era, was ethnic. After Christianity, religious (but this cannot, of course, be separated from Jews being seen as a separate people (if people at all), so there was definitely ethnic components as well). When secularism started catching on, they latched on to more of the nonreligious canards ("Jews run the world", "Jews control the money", etc), but still linked Jewishness to being demons. Eventually it became racial (Jews weren't white or black but something Else (and certainly not full humans)).

These all still factor in to modern antisemitism — you've no doubt seen Zionist Occupied Government-type canards recently or accusations of (((Zionists))) running Hollywood or the banks or what-have you, most Jews have some story of being asked by a gentile "Where are your horns?", and you'd be hard-pressed to find a white supremacist who actually thinks Jews are white (they don't think we're human, really). Something consistent you'll see is the belief that Jews are foreigners no matter how long they've lived somewhere — before WWII, Jews in Europe were often told to "go back to Palestine", in fact. You can find photos of graffiti saying this exact phrase dating back to then. Those Jewish communities had been there for centuries by that point, and they considered these countries their homes. The feeling was not, of course, mutual.

I also hope that things change. Maybe one day, we'll be able to tell our children that this was the past, and now we are safe rather than safer. One can only hope.

[skrunklyp]

↳- Leo Tsukinaga VOCALOID Producer Headcanons -༉‧₊˚✧

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

My Enstars x Vocaloid brainrot is too strong I NEED to share this.

This will definitely get updated the more hcs I come up with LMAO

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Not only he's a popular composer, but he's also a popular VOCALOID producer.

He goes by "LeoP" cuz he's basic like that. (It's ok we still love him either way).

He basically uses all the voice synthesizer programs but he mainly uses VOCALOID, Synth-V, sometimes UTAU, and later on Piapro Studio.

He also mainly uses Hatsune Miku but he pretty much owns all voicebanks known to man (including appends) so he picks the voicebank that matches his song the best.

He's a massive Miku fan you can't convince me otherwise.

Back to the topic of voicebanks, he tried to convince Knights to make UTAUloids of themselves but they sadly shut that idea down before he could even attempt to do so. (He's still trying though.)

Like I said before, I can see him as the type to use voicebanks based on their voices/how they sound, so you can bet that he also uses UTAUloids even if they aren't "popular".

Imagine the heart-attack you'd get when THE Leo Tsukinaga uses your voicebank for one of his songs, I'm 100% sure he's the root cause of many souls ascending /pos.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

In my opinion, I think he'd hate the piano roll system that the synthesizers use so most likely he'd transcribe his composition in a website that automatically makes a MIDI file out of it. (idk if that actually exists but it does for the enstars universe cuz I said so /lh.)

I can see him absolutely DESPISING tuning. He loves to compose and loves to hear the final song but he hates the actual tuning process.

He either hyperfixates and get the tuning done in one sitting, commission someone to tune for him OR he just doesn't bother and that song goes into his folder, never seeing the light of day ever again.

He sometimes uses VOCALOID for harmony guides for Knights songs.

He definitely duetted with Miku before, there's absolutely no way he didn't.

Tried to convince Knights to sing a song with Miku and the other Vocas. (Knights shutting down Leo's antics pt. 2; Electric boogaloo.)

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

On the topic of duetting with the Vocas... YES he was an absolute menace to 2wink and Switch when they collabed with Miku and the Kagamines.

He attempted multiple times at entering the practice room just to meet the Vocas. (Knights, specifically Arashi, had to physically DRAG him away from the door.)

I can see him be very salty about it LMAO.

Don't worry, to make it up to him AKA to avoid him attempting to break in and enter the practice room all the damn time they allowed him to meet them.

DEFINITELY ASKED THE VOCAS TO "UCHUU" WITH HIM YOU CAN'T CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE.

They're now besties your honour.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

He owns a shit ton of CDs AND has attended basically all concerts.

He definitely asked either Izumi or Mama to accompany him but he was only successful at convincing Mama. (Izumi couldn't be bothered LMFAO.)

I can see Izumi threatening to throw his CDs away if Leo doesn't do his chores in Florence. (Spoiler Alert: That threat works every time.)

Going back to the topic of concerts... I'm 100% sure his songs would make it to the song list. So just imagine Leo freaking out over the fact that the Vocas are performing his songs live.

He buys wayyy too much merch. Someone take his wallet away before he goes BROKE-

Yes he plays Project Sekai... And yes he whaled... Several times actually... Izumi had to take his card away </3

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

As a Voca-P, I can see him as the type to release the VSQ(x)/UST/SVP/etc and the instrumental. So there's always a shit ton of voice synthesizer covers of his songs.

The reason why I say that is cuz I feel that his songs are so iconic/recognizable that, even without credit, people just know it's a LeoP original.

I can also see him as the type that comments on/shares every single cover he comes across. He can't help it! He just gets super excited and happy!

100% the root cause of souls ascending /pos, pt 2; Electric boogaloo.

Bonus: His Voca-P social media accs are definitely filled with reblogs/retweets of covers cuz he just loves sharing people's works.

[pockethep]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks...

It took me a while to get past my top 3 because for some reason my mind blanked when it came to every piece of media I've ever consumed HOWEVER almost all of these characters are characters who could be considered my favorites if you ask me on the street do you like "x". They'll probably shift and change though but these are some off the top of my head.

Shigeo Kageyama (Mob) (Mob Psycho 100) - Mob Psycho 100 is a series I hold very dear to my heart, it is in my constant top 3 Anime/Manga (You will likely see the other 2 on this list) and Mob is my favorite character. He is a character that I rooted for every second of his screentime, who actually drove me to be better. The "Your Life is Your Own" message lead to me changing my college major. He's incredibly kind, sincere, and honest.

Grovyle (Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Explorers of Time/Darkness/Sky) A little story behind this. My first pokemon game was Red Rescue Team (not a mainline game but a spinoff) because my parents didn't know the difference. However I loved Red Rescue Team to the point of playing it until the in game timer broke. The sequel was better in every way. Grovyle is a character who embodies the notion that existence is temporary. There will come a day when all of us are gone. However instead of living in regret, fear, and selfishness he was willing to sacrifice his life for the greater good even though he wouldn't be there to see it. Using your life to do something incredible ensures your spirit will live beyond you.

Edward Elric (Full Metal Alchemist) My second favorite anime/manga of all time. His determination to fix his mistakes at the expense of his own body. he's one of my favorite older brothers in any media because of the lengths he's willing to go to right his wrong. There are many points in the series where anyone would've given up, especially throughout all the pain, but he kept going. Because he loved his brother. And I think that's beautiful. Also helps that he was written by a woman.

Every single character from Everything Everywhere All At Once but for this space Waymond Wang. A sneak hit that completely shook the leaderboard of my top ten movies, EEAAO succeeded in everything. But Waymond Wang stuck with me and still does. It's about how he shields the people he loves even though he was afraid, how much he loves his wife, how he fights so hard for her even though she broke things and was at times dismissive. His kindness was how he fought. How even at the height of his success, in every lifetime he would go to Evelyn. I believe in kind people because Waymond is a kind person.

Reigen Arataka (Mob Psycho 100) Another MP100 character but hear me out. He is likely one of my favorite anime/manga mentors. Rather than teaching Mob right or wrong he taught him choice. The right choice is good but you don't always have to go for that option. One of my favorite moments was him just telling Mob it was okay to run away. Something most other shonen don't do. He does all this while still lying about being an esper. But at that point I don't think Mob cares. Regardless of if he has power or not, he's a good person.

Maki Zenin (Jujutsu Kaisen) I don't even know where to start. Probably with the fact that she is one of the best developed female characters in some of the recent shonen manga I've read. Next the depiction of female rage, what she did to the Zenin clan deserves to go down in the history books. I live a girlboss and Maki checks every single boss.

Toph Beifong (Avatar the Last Airbender) This is my GIRL. I loved her when I was younegr and I still do. It is rare for a cocky, abrasive, girl character in a TV show to not be humbled or bashed or fridged. She was so unabashedly Toph. The best earthbender in the world who didn't let blindness get to her. She created metalbending. Who else was doing it like her. She's such a strong character and a role model for me.

Denji (Chainsaw Man) A somewhat new edition to the list but as someone who went from Fire Punch to Chainsawman, he deserves a spot as my favorite Fujimoto character next to the girls from goodby Eri. Denji's story is about what happens when someone is so deeply denied humanity. On all levels he's had it stripped from him for the benefit of all his abusers. To the point where he thinks its correct. That he'll be happy if he's used. By everyone he tries to get close with (Reze, Makima) he is considered a resource to exploit which is why his change of heart in the last few chapter was so cathartic. He recognized his own humanity and the abuse that he had previously endured and started to act more selfish as a human. Perseverance in the face of suffering will ultimately lead to happiness.He's also not a traditional anime perv as many would label him to be, he is surprisingly well versed in consent.

Eleanor Shellstrop (The Good Place) This spot almost went to Chidi HOWEVER I related more to Eleanor. Something that always got me about The Good Place was its depiction of honest people. Eleanor was realistic, she was rude, selfish at times, but in the end she wanted to be better. That's what made her a good person. She wanted to earn a spot in The Good Place and watching her work for that spot and then work to eventually fix the good place was very satisfying.

Percy Jackson. (Percy Jackson and the Olympians) No elaboration needed. That's my boy. This series has been a staple in my life, even when I moved away from Harry Potter Percy "Backtalk the Gods" Jackson was still my boy. He chose his girlfriend over a seat in Olympus I don't think I need to go further.

[priestess-of-yuri]

Dear Alice the witch,

It's me again. I am returning with the intention of seeking advice from you, from the cards, and from the spirits.

This time, it's a deeper issue, related to multiple events, one of them is somewhat related to my previous ask.

Everytime I love someone, they reject me romantically and actually insist on keeping me as a friend(it's hard, especially when they've loved me in the past). And viceversa. I've struggled in the recent months, when almost all my friends were in relationships ( they all either broke up, or ended in a drama), but I felt like the worst person on Earth, even if there were many single people, and such situations happened to anyone.

But in the last few days, I've been reminded of those feelings when my uncle told me he is dating someone ( A while ago, my parents suspected his interest towards a woman, a colleague of his.) While I am happy for him (he's been a celibate ever since I know him, expect a few instances), it feels like I've been stabbed with a knife in the back, because it reminds me how lonely I truly am.

My questions are - What are some possible reasons as to why this has happened to me for years, even for friendships during my childhood, and possible actions I can take, either to heal myself, or to be more appealing romantically?

You've done a fantastic job for my previous situation, and I would be truly grateful if you can answer this one too. If you can't, or feel uncomfortable, since you're aroace, or because my questions do not adhere to the rules, it's totally fine. I just wanted to have some clarity.

Thank you once again for everything, and I am so happy to see you being so thrilled!

hello again there my lovely loyal follower :3 i took quite a bit of time with your reading because i was waiting for the right time. thank you kindly for your patience 🦋🍃✨💕

for your tarot reading, i asked "what are the possible reasons for you getting rejected?"

7 of Pentacles -- this is a card with a message of "you are almost there." you are wildly successful already, and your roots are growing. this could be a sign that your past with people is a reflection of your growth thus far, and you're encouraged to keep going. what are your true intentions? if what you are harvesting is not what you have desired, what needs to change?

Queen of Cups in reverse -- this is a huge sign that you are out of touch with your emotions. you're feeling insecure because you're concerned about the way this has become a pattern for you. you're suppressing your heart. and this only hurts you; your way to your truth is by listening to your emotions and understanding that they are not there to cause you suffering. pain is not your enemy. if it hurts, that's your alarm system telling you your needs aren't being met. delve deep into the waters of subconscious. trust in yourself, in your emotions. they're there to guide you like a compass. they're there to give you information and a general direction for you to take action. the more you trust, the more you feel, and the more you listen, the better you'll get at reading the waters, the air, the earth, the fire. the emotions, the thoughts, the body, the willpower that make you up. your emotions are the key to understanding it all, and to greater spiritual enlightenment.

The Moon -- this is a Major Arcana card casting a theme over your reading, and it's giving you a message much like what i read in your last card! fancy that :'D when you face uncertainty and confusion, you don't need to struggle. dive into the darkness instead, and let yourself drift under the moonlit waters. you can have faith and trust in the way that you're safe here. there is magic here, too. you won't be lost in the darkness if you allow yourself to see what the moon illuminates for you. if you allow yourself to listen to the whispers of your intuition rather than the screams of your anxiety, and drift to the surface of the waters to be enveloped again in the bright, beautiful moonlight. in illumination. you don't need to be afraid, because nothing inside you is your enemy. you are intrinsically whole and made up of shadows and light. you are human. you are lovable.

9 of Wands -- this is a message of "go for that final push." your latest hurt isn't a sign of failure. it's not a sign that you're losing yourself or distancing yourself further and further from your truth. on the contrary, you've actually achieved so much. you can rest easy at night knowing that what you've been through can be processed to lend you strength. it comprises your shadows and your light. you can go further, you can trust in one final push and know that the Universe will have your back.

The Emperor in reverse -- this second Major Arcana cards paints a picture that you have power, but you may not be utilising it well. perhaps you have a desire for control, or even have stubborn mindsets. whatever the case, you don't need to rule with an iron fist. soften your hands, and build your empire on a foundation of kindness and unconditional love. that's where true power and strength comes from, from vulnerability. trust in your emotions, and forge your own destiny. work with the people in your life or that enter your life by listening to their needs and wants, and maybe you'll get what you need and want too. unpack your hurt, let it be heard, and then open your heart to the world. it may be scary at first. it may never stop being scary. but you are protected under the Universe's light, and you are always loved.

King of Swords -- this seems to represent your potential. you can become a king that rules with logic and reason, blending spiritual and material pursuits in your own path. knowing the way rather than feeling the way. this could be your calling, to realise your potential of someone who can understand others and themselves and the right path forward.

for your oracle reading, i asked "what can you do?"

Activated Earth -- this is a card of learning to trust where you're led. are you being called to visit somewhere? to travel? many believe that the sacred places along the Earth's surface can activate something inside us, and something inside the Earth too. maybe this isn't a literal journey that you're being called to, but a journey of the self. a pilgrimage of the soul. maybe you need to trust where you're led by the Universe, rather than always relying on logic. try seeking a middle path -- balance is true and right.

The Golden Children -- The Golden Children (Children of the Sun) are highly advanced beings said to reincarnate on Earth with little to no karma and possess incredible abilities. this card is calling you to tend to yourself, to your own inner child. it's asking you to nurture yourself with tenderness, with unconditional love. you deserve it, and you always have. see yourself blossom under your own light, and then ask yourself a question. "how can i treat others this way?"

A New Earth -- if you have a vision, this card is a sign to hold onto it. it's hard to trust in a vision before it has come to fruition! but the world needs dreamers in it. it needs people with hope. trust in yourself, and in your abilities. you can realise your potential and you can have the kind of relationships you want. have faith in yourself, in the Universe, in others. it's never wrong to hope.

Inner Earth -- this card speaks of ancient places like Lemuria, Atlantis and Āryāvarta that went to a mysterious, subterranean place within the Earth when they were "lost." it also speaks of solutions and beginnings that are beyond your sight. because these lands... are they in the physical, or are they in the subconscious? perhaps what you need right now is to shake things up. you could be stuck or in a rut, but solutions and beginnings are always within reach. you just need to find a way to access them. so try doing something you wouldn't normally do to shift the energy, shift your focus -- and perhaps you'll come to what you need like magic.

I'm Sorry -- this is your calling to drop your defences entirely. be vulnerable, first with yourself and acknowledge what has gone wrong, and then with others. we live in divisive times. it can feel like a personal attack when we are hurt or triggered rather than an opportunity for healing. know that it's understandable to behave in hurt -- you're human -- but it's not conducive to healing yourself or others. this isn't about blame -- it's about unwinding the patterning that got us here. what can you do to acknowledge the hurt you've inflicted on others and yourself? personally, ancestrally, and collectively? how can you heal?

thank you so much for seeking help from me a second time!!! i hope this serves you well. please remember to write as much feedback as you like on my site. 💕🦋🍃✨

[storming-answers]

The failure of twitter is entirely the fault of a business management style rooted in asset-based methodologies that is in no way reflective of Twitter's structure as a business reliant on off-balance sheet intangibles.

To other accountants this will probably be real fucking stupid and to anyone who followed me for cosmere stuff this is going to sound utterly incomprehensible, but I am sleepy and have thoughts about intangibles and accounting, and how much we are growing to rely on them in business.

At the heart of the modern business structure is an accounting style foundationally rooted in asset (Things, Land, Stuff) and asset allocation (Turning cash into things, Land, and Stuff), where people are completely ignored as anything but an expense largely because it's extremely hard to estimate the value of a human life. Accounting's foundational roots are in asset-management practices with a presumption that management understands the value of human lives and will act accordingly.

Tesla is a company where it's wealth is foundationally rooted in what it owns and how it can use it- It's revenues are driven by the cars they produce, and that enables them to grow and develop while relying less on employees or labor. For context, they only spend about 5.3% of their revenue on research and development, with the majority of their wealth from asset costs. Twitter spends 23.49% of their revenue on R&D.

Twitter is a company foundationally rooted in intangibles and goodwill, and that is what drives their organization to be able to succeed- The people who run twitter and the tribal knowledge they hold, the customers who use twitter, and the advertisers valuation of those customers. They are a company that is not driven by advertisers, but by intangible assets that literally not listed on the balance sheet, and in which they invest all their money into developing (Hence the 23% in R&D).

In a more traditional asset-based business, Elon's decision would have made perfect sense, and is outright *recommended* by many trusted sources for management advice. But that's because those products are fundamentally driven by the assets the company controls, and not the employees who understand how the company works. Their success isn't tied to a particular employee, but rather to ensuring they have the stuff to sell and scale.

The problem is that Twitter doesn't exist as an asset-based company, but as an intangibles-based company. Twitters success is rooted in it's brand, it's users, and it's employees. If you're wondering why you're hearing less about accountants, it's because our asset-based accounting methodology *falls apart* when you're relying on and trying to capitalize intangibles. Because employees don't exist on the balance sheet, and Can't exist on the balance sheet. But they are the assets that foundationally drive the companies driven by intangibles. And the entire world is starting to rely less on the stuff you own and more and more on the people you know, even more than it used to do, with companies being up to 30-40% intangibles, which you can't even properly value because you have nothing in your own records to root it in, so you have to mostly just make a rough estimate about how much they're worth with stuff you dragged from the rest of the world which makes everything look so much better or worse and makes the books mean less and less.

So that's why Twitter is going to die in 3 days. Because Elon Musk tried to run the business like a car dealership. Without realizing that he fired all the cars. 10/10.

[trashlie]

hey, i'm that anon that sent you the long message about FP 215 and 216 a while ago, thank you for giving such an elaborate response. and i hope you get plenty of time to relax and catch up on sleep, make sure to drink lots of water! 💗

i'm dropping by to bring up a couple of points for your consideration, if you don't mind. just something i've been thinking about lately.

i absolutely agree with you that kousuke doesn't really want nol out of his life. in my opinion, the reason is not guilt or jealousy or loneliness (i bet he'd 100% prefer being an only child even if his siblings were born in wedlock, also he's had a friend group in college, so he is/was capable of making friends). the reason for it is fear. 1) fear of disappointing father - since kousuke is nol's 'guardian' and if anything happens to nol, it'll be a 'failure' on his side and strain his relationship with rand. 2) fear of losing control - nol being gone = out of reach = out of his control = unpredictable = more of a threat. and we know how much kousuke needs to control everything in his life. 3) fear of losing a part of his identity - being 'better' than nol has become a big part of who he is. kousuke is nothing without his name, the company, etc. similarly, traits like being the better, smarter, more successful brother, the golden child, the 'rightful' heir have all become a part of him thanks to nol. kousuke can only achieve those by bringing nol down to push himself up. he needs nol to remind him of those traits, and he needs nol so he can look better compared to him to other people. and i believe he subconsciously realizes this, and hates nol even more for it.

in general, a lot of kousuke's behavior and the main reason for kousuke's mental state is that he's being eaten alive by his fears. fear of failure, fear of disappointment, fear of his image being damaged, fear of not being in control, fear of being exposed, fear of being nothing, fear of losing everything etc. some of those fears are made up and/or planted by yui (like disappointing his father, or nol being the enemy), but to kousuke, they're very much real. and if kousuke's going to grow, dealing with those fears, and recognizing the root causes of them (there's multiple), will be a big part of it. for now, in his current state... it seems to me like he's completely overwhelmed and craves safety more than anything, and well. yui is right there. idk if the brothers can ever reconcile tbh... it seems to me that nol hasn't completely lost hope in his brother yet, so it'll completely depend on kousuke.

and good point, you're probably right about nessa protecting nol from yui until she couldn't anymore, i didn't think of that, thanks for pointing it out! we still know so little about nessa and yui both, it's going to be really interesting to learn more about them...

AAAAHHHH hello Nonny! I've been looking forward to you coming back! Also thank you! I am trying my best!!! This week has not been my best but at least my brain is feeling less sluggish, so there's that at least!

Also I have got to say, reading this message made me feel really weepy. I think it's obvious, but Kousuke is a character I've come to be just as invested in as I am in Nol and Shinae and now Alyssa, and I think you hit the nail right on the head. I think because of the way Kousuke has treated Nol, and his apparent privilege coupled with his less than savory personality, a lot of readers just kind of... dismiss him. And to some degree, I get it. Kousuke is rarely doing himself any favors to endear the audience to him - but that is what makes him such a fascinating character. The story proves that privilege and opportunity alone are not enough, but it also shows us that people do not exist in a vacuum, and that everything they do is impacted by and also impacts something else.

And you're right - it does come down to fear, and there's a reason fear remains a prevailing emotion/driver in many stories. I think man vs man conflict so often comes down to fear, it's the root of a lot of ugly emotion. Jealousy stems from it - a fear that someone has something you don't, that maybe you'll never come to possess yourself.

I think there's a lot to be said of formative foundations. Had Kousuke been older when he learned of Nol, had he received security and love and comfort from his parents, maybe we wouldn't be here. But it was when he was young enough to be influenced, when he was so lacking in his father's love, and to learn that this boy knew there existed a side to Rand that he himself had never met? It never registered to him that Nol had never actually met him because fear came crashing down - all those rumors people were whispering about him were true. Rand, the man too busy for his own son, too busy for his own family, had a whole other family, and they knew a version of him that he'd never gotten to meet. It took root in him at such a young age all it could do was grow with him like a weed. He had no way to know otherwise!

And something that really fosters all that fear IS the fact that he endured that kind of neglect. On some level, Kousuke knows what Yui does. He's gone to great lengths to try to keep his life private from her so she doesn't interfere. He was rightfully upset when he realized she'd gone behind his back to hire Shinae (and under such false pretenses, too!) and upset about the birthday antics. But he still went to her when he found out Nol might leave, that he might have a one up on him. He knows Yui is horrible, but she's also his only pillar of security. She's also the one who fosters that sort of false reality he lives in, because it's only there that he has that security. When facts and logic counter what he believes, he loses control, and he retreats into the version of reality he knows, because that's the only place he feels safe. I think that's a big reason why he cannot face the truth, why he so often finds himself rewriting accounts of things that happened - he cannot handle the unsettling dissonance between what he believes and what is so.

What a driver fear is, too! On some level, I think Kousuke might be aware of that connection of his identity with Nol. Perhaps not on a conscious level, but I think subconscious he reacts to Nol leaving for exactly that reason - without Nol to serve as a metric for which to measure himself against, how can he be sure he's better, he's the best? As much as Kousuke's identity is wrapped up in trying to please his father and earn a transactional concept of love, it's also wrapped up in being Nol's guardian - which, as you point out, is just an offshoot of not disappointing Rand. I definitely agree, too; it just makes that resentment stronger. Wouldn't you feel a little self-loathing, too, knowing that you can only see your greatness if you see how you measure against someone else? Living and believing this person you are constantly trying to be better than might know something you don't, might have been privy to something you never were? Acknowledging that he tears down Nol because a part of him doesn't trust that he can lord over him unless he does, that maybe he COULD best him?

It makes such COMPELLING storytelling! Once you can see Kousuke from this angle, it makes sense - why he can't stop trying to drag Nol down into his pit, why he stumbles on reality and has to rewrite things, why he's so desperately in need of control. It's so easy to say that Kousuke should know better because he's an adult, but one of the loudest, flashiest messages of ILY is that age does not make someone any better lol. Wisdom doesn't come with age - it comes with experience and also humility. There's no room for that in Kousuke's life and his experiences definitely are lesser than others. He's surrounded by people who tell him what he wants to hear, who just make nice with him to get by and maybe see if they can take advantage of their proximity to him. What experiences does he have, outside of those with Nol, that can drown out the fear he's living with?

Something someone brought up on reddit was that Kousuke was, for the most part, pretty "chill" (lol chill for Kousuke that is) when we first met him at the start of the story. Okay, let's nix that, he DID trip Shinae for a piece of cake LMAO but that brings me to what I'm getting at. When the story opens, it feels like Kousuke isn't around Nol nearly as much. He has an informant in Soushi which allows Kousuke to keep tabs on Nol without needing to be involved, and he's at a sense of peace. When we see him interacting with Shinae, while he's definitely cold and blunt, he does try to treat her with some regard of respect after Shinae essentially saves his hide by keeping Nol's date-rape drink a secret. Now we certainly can argue that this is because Kousuke feels he is indebted to Shinae, but I think it's also because when he has less of that stress going on, when he has a clearer mind that's not so cluttered with his fear, he has room to be the gentleman he wants to believe he is, to be the person he hopes will make Rand proud.

But it's once Kousuke gets re-inserted in Nol's life - the hospital after the masquerade, Nol coming to work for the week, the entirety of the black and white formal - that's when we start to see all the cracks forming and watch Kousuke slowly start to lose that control and spiral. Nol coming to work was the real curveball for him. Not for one minute did Kousuke expect Nol to take work seriously, but worse, he never anticipated that Nol would be so good at it or that his people skills would illuminate a jarring truth that Kousuke had blinded himself to. From that very moment, Kousuke enters a grappling battle to maintain his role. It's not enough to be the heir - it's about impressing Rand, it's about earning some transactional love, it's about fulfilling a duty that he takes too seriously, it's about ensuring that he is not lost. I think to Kousuke you are in one of two places: either the light or the shadow, and you cannot share them. If Nol is in the light, that relegates Kousuke to the shadows, so compelled by fear, he starts on his quest to sabotage Nol, so that his own weaknesses are not illuminated by the points where Nol shines.

Aaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!! I really do have SO MANY thoughts and feelings these days about Kousuke and especially Kousuke and Nol, and the ways they are impacted by their families, the ways their circumstances pit them against each other. Kousuke has become a character I WANT to find his way, because I WANT him to be freed from the effects of his family and especially free of their control. I think your third point is SO VERY IMPORTANT because WHO is Kousuke outside of all of this? Who is he outside of Hirahara Heir, outside of besting Nol? He definitely knows there is something hollow and empty inside him - he wouldn't have to convince himself that he wants this career, that he wants to move to Japan, that he wants to do this if that wasn't true. He's so afraid that there is nothing more to him than the husk of a boy who is so desperate for his father's love, who tore others down for something that he ultimately never received, and frankly I cannot blame him for wanting to hide that and avoid facing it lol but I DO want to see him face that. I want to see what kind of person he decides to be outside of everything if he gets that chance. I say "gets that chance" but it's definitely more that he needs to actively come to that conclusion, but it's hard to imagine at this point what it will take for him to get there.

I don't think there's a lot that a conversation with Rand can do - though I do think that's highly necessary, if only to put everything in the open. I would love for Kousuke to get the chance to be honest with Rand, and not while being drunk leaving a voicemail or anything, but that's a big, big step. It goes against everything he's worked towards, goes against the very things that drive that fear. But I want to see him reach that point where he can tell Rand pointblank the ways he failed him, the way everything he ever did was because he just wanted that love and look at him, look at how he turned out! aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!

I'm also inclined to believe the same as you re: Nol. I know Nol made it sound like he's absolutely done with Kousuke - and I certainly don't think he'll be welcoming him with open arms any time soon lol - but I think much like us as readers, much as characters like Hansuke and Yujing, I think Nol wants to see Kousuke break himself free. Let go of Rand, escape the sordid security blanket that is his relationship with Yui, and find himself. Become his OWN person. I think Nol will be more receptive to Kousuke when he can finally do that. Because again, as established, so much of Kousuke's personality thus far is just being better than Nol, is just trying to earn Rand's affection. But what does he do for himself? WHO is he? I think that's what Nol is waiting for and I don't think we'll see any kind of amicable relationship until that comes.

AAAHHHHHHHH this is so long lmao but MAN I have so many thoughts and feelings about this and I LOVE getting to talk to people about Kousuke when they can see these aspects of him. In an intriguing way, both Nol and Kousuke are driven by fear, right? Nol lives in fear of himself, of whatever guilt it is he carries. He carries this fear that he is a harbringer of doom and harm, that association with him will only get people hurt, that getting too close and caring too much is damning people, so he spent his life wearing a mask, trying to keep others at bay, trying to coast by and hope maybe, MAYBE he could absolve himself of whatever that guilt is by helping others. And when he got too close, when he started to care too much, he ran away, he lashed out, he took up a new facade. He's denied himself anything he wants or anything that brings him comfort out of fear. But where Nol's fear is internal, Kousuke's is so completely external. But at the end of the day, they are both driven by fear. Nol, I hope, will come to terms with the reality that he DOES have safe spaces. Nana loves him and wants to help him, wants him to live, wants him to find enjoyment. Shinae has proven what a caring friend she is, that even after the way he tried to ghost her and the guys, she still keeps coming back. But Kousuke doesn't quite have that support system Nol does. Or, rather, let me take that back. He does, he's just not aware of it and can't see it for that. He's so blinded by what he's lacking in a parental way that he can't see that Hansuke is the one person in the world who absolutely 100% has his back, and I think in time, depending on the choices he makes, he could find that in Yujing and Meg, both. (I think there is SO MUCH room for Meg and Kousuke to eventually be friends with a similar dynamic to him and Shinae - where she is no longer so besotted or obsessive and she can call him out when he's being y'know, Kousuke, where he can develop respect for her as a person. I want it SO badly lmao I want SO BADLY for him to come around on her!)

Basically a very important thing I think is: neither Nol nor Kousuke have that family relationship with their parents. Nol lost the one parent who ever gave him warmth and comfort, and I don't think Yui sees Kousuke as a son so much as an extension of himself. I think found family is the way to go for them. Nol has it, if he's willing to let them be that, if he can swallow his fear and let them be there for him. I think Kousuke could have it, too, if he, too, is able to let go of his fear. AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I told you, just nonstop FEELINGS over here lmao thank you for always indulging me and my longwinded responses ;~; I just get SO EXCITED to talk about this, and especially to have these conversations who think so similarly about Kousuke and don't immediately go "throw him away he's irredeemable trash" lajfkafjkafjkaf lmao like fine for people who have those opinions but I just wanna dig into why these characters do the messy shit they do LMAO

[thewingedmuse]

On Shadow Work - A Brief Guide

It is a shame to ever let negative emotions like anger, envy and victim mindset ruin a passion that brings you joy.

Do it because you love it, not to fill in that void that's deep in your heart, forever screeching for senseless egoistical fulfillment. This applies on everything - that date you go on to ease loneliness, that thing that you know isn't right for you, that validation you've wanted for so long.

Filling this void is not what you need to do. Finding out the source of this void is what you need to do. This is where shadow work comes in.

1. Admiting fear and allowing vulnerability is how you can gain strength.

Heavy emotions are a pain, aren't they? Identify that emotion you are feeling. Don't shun from it. Even if you shun from it at first it's fine. It is terrifying. It does feel like that monster under the bed. Admit when something terrifies you. That's the first step to seeing yourself clearly.

2. Feel it in its full extent to fully understand what ails your mind, and what the root is.

Back to that emotion we go. Feel it beat through your heart, feel it in all its pain and feel the memories it brings up. Be its listener in a world that tries to silent emotions. Does it feel familiar? What is its root? Is it fear? Is it self victimhood? Is it intended? Is shame involved? Do you see a pattern? Does it make you feel like you are never gonna see the success other people have?

Tip: You might wanna keep a diary to keep track of your observations. Shadow work is training yourself to see into the dark pits of your mind. It requires practice, so keep on going even if it's difficult at first.

3. Heal and let go. No matter what our past selves had done, we let go of them so that we could let go of ourselves.

Now that we know, that's when we heal. There are so many ways of healing our inner selves, and whichever way you use has to be compatible with how your mind works. For example if you are a visual person like me - putting your hand on your chest and telling your heart affirmative words, visualising it healing with every word, every bit of energy you put through - would be pretty useful.

If you are an analytical sort of person, then you might find it more effective to write a letter to yourself, reflecting on all the ways you have been and all the things you have learned, where to move forward from now, detailing your motivations, giving yourself a pep talk no one else but you who are going through this could give.

We are only speaking this in theory right now. If you feel you are ready, then take the plunge forward and see for yourself which methods work best for you. If you are into energy work, then all the more better, because self-healing is essentially directing healing energy towards yourself. The most important qualities remain to be patience, compassion and empathy.

I hope you all have a wonderful day and an even more wondrous night.

With Love,

Ribbon 🎀

[the-feminist-philosopher]

Your main argument against feminism seems to be that "calling trans identities bigoted/misogynistic means you're aligning with conservatives" which seems rather illogical to me. You aren't even concerned with whether or not it is true that their identities are rooted in sexism--only in that conservatives still know what a woman is (because that's who they want to oppress).

Fascists: "women exist to be submissive and breedable. We need strict gender roles assigned to each sex to maintain order and hegemony."

Men who identify as women: "I want to feel submissive and breedable so that makes me a woman. The gender role concept I identify with should be what defines what I am."

Feminists: "womanhood is the lived experience of existing in a female body. The gender role concept of femininity is oppressive and should be dismantled."

Marxists are also in support of gun ownership, just like conservatives, while liberals want to give in to fascist gun control so that the state can maintain a monopoly on violence. Does this mean Marxists condone and support school shootings and mass murder by right wing terrorists? It's the same exact argument.

I don't know how many times I can say this:

Literal white supremacists and white supremacist organizations (See: Richard Spencer’s Radix) are trying to turn TERFs into “race realists.” And they're actually having a lot of success because 1.) the movement is chronically white, 2.) the movement is built a lot on social fears, and 3.) the movement often uses crime statistics as a recruitment and justification point. Literal white supremacists are using the TERF's social grievances and crime statistics to "enlighten" these supposed feminists about what they call the "race question." Over-policing and capitalistic deprivation of resources have devastated black and brown communities, making members of those communities the disproportionate victims of incarceration. Simply pointing out crime and incarceration stats without nuance, which TERFs like to do with their "trans women are all sexual predators" crime argument, has actually helped the bottom line of white supremacists.

They're also using the standard TERF's belief in the divine feminine-- the idea that natal women have a unique biology which should be protected and venerated-- to convince them that there are "masculine" and "feminine" energies and turn them onto the trad life. And they're tapping into the TERF's unaddressed "benevolent" sexism-- a type of sexism that positively rewards people assigned female at birth for observing their sex-assigned social prescriptions from presentation to roles to a cis identity, and which holds that women should be protected (by the [masculinist] state) and revered, most especially for their unique biology-- to convince them that "modern society" and "modern feminism" is diseased and the antithesis to their liberty. And it's working. It's working precisely because TERFs are so eager to separate people into "biological" castes so that men are men and women are women (and never the twain shall meet), define women as "the sex that can bear offspring or produce ova," and reify gendered associations, specifically the association that men are Aggressors and women are passive Recipients of said aggression. This ideology actually does quite a bit to uphold patriarchal ideas that define women as a discrete biological category and it also encourages a system whereby men act on behalf of and choose for women (the Aggressor v. Recipient social prescription does a lot to justify rape culture, or men acting aggressively on behalf of and choose for women).

^This is why notorious misogynists like Matt Walsh have shown open support for high-profile TERFs and have taken the "Adult Human Female" slogan and run with it. There's a reason these men on the "right" of the political spectrum can't stand the existence of trans people, but will voice support for TERFs and their ideology and use their language. The TERF ideology is sexist and they're sexists, so it follows.

Additionally, over the last several years, many rad fem leaders and organizations have come to ally with LGB &T hate groups and the Christian right because they, "know who real women are." It is these christian right groups like the FRC and ADF who are behind many of the anti-abortion, anti-women movements through the U.S. and Europe. They're also behind a lot of anti-trans policies and legislation.

You can read a bit about who is behind funding these policy initiatives, and how much money goes into these campaigns below:

European Parliamentary Forum

Southern Poverty Law Center on the ADF

Southern Poverty Law Center on the FRC

And you can read about the connection between these groups and trans-exclusionaries and radical feminists below:

Southern Poverty Law Center on the Far-Right Anti-Trans Laws

Southern Poverty Law Center on the Anti LGBT Campaigns

Political Research Associates on Partners with the Christian Right

An "Unlikely" Ally

The Women's Liberation Front (WoLF) even accepted a $15,000 donation from the religious freedom giant, the Alliance Defending Freedom. They've also co-authored anti-trans parenting guides with the Family Policy Alliance and the Heritage Foundation. They've held conferences and panels with Christian-right organizing groups too

We've also seen countless radical feminists appear on Tucker Carlson Tonight and the Ingraham Angle, two Fox hosts well-known for whipping up anti-immigrant, xenophobic sentiment in America's Christian Nationalist movement. Speakers included: Meg Kilgannon, Kara Dansky, Tammy Bruce, and Julia Beck.

The term "gender ideology" even has it's origins in conservative Christian circles. And don't even get me started on their use of "hygiene" to describe cis people and the fact they co-opted the idea that certain people (in this case, trans people) have "contaminating" genes. Plus, TERF complaints about the supposed existence of "cancel culture" and "woke culture" echo conservative and right-wing rhetoric.

And the bitch of it is? You all know this. You all openly admit it, but like to play too stupid to know how your movement is collaborating with the alt-right simply to score a political point against trans people. You all hate trans people existing so much, you've allied with the people who'll cut off your hands and gouge your eyes out.

“I do feel kind of nervous about working with the right wing because they have opposed women’s bodily autonomy…”

-Julia Beck

Politically, TERFs have put their eggs in the same basket as people passing anti-abortion policies, people trying to pass girl's genital inspection policies for sports, people trying to ban LGB books, people who want to repeal the right to gay marriage, and people who believe that a woman's "place" is in the home- serving a husband and children all to score a political point against trans people.

That is why I always say that in trying to create a feminism that excludes trans people, TERFs have created the very tool with which the alt-right is using to destroy feminism all together.

"Male dominant society has defined women as a discrete biological group forever. If this was going to produce liberation, we'd be free."

-Catharine MacKinnon American radical feminist legal scholar, activist, and author.

Reactionary movements have always been contradictory. And they will paint themselves as the "true" liberators and the better option to democracy.

"…twentieth-century fascism was neither consistently misogynist, nor were early feminists inclined uniformly to reject fascism. In both Italy and Germany, fascism introduced ‘progressive’ (at least for the ethnic majority) and modernizing legislation, such as maternity assistance and infant medicine… Prominent fascist women (such as the some of the Mitford sisters) ‘perceived little tension between feminine political action and fascism, and . . . conceive[d] of their roles as far more than auxiliary drudges’. Spackman argues in the Italian context that the progressive and conservative elements of Fascism were ‘bound together: the “progressive” cause, women’s suffrage, is but a means to a “reactionary” end, the destruction of the parliamentary form of government’. Women thus had key social and political roles to play in the battering ram fascism took to liberal democracy."

-‘Breeders for race and nation’: gender, sexuality and fecundity in post-war British fascist discourse by Scott Burnett & John E. Richardson

Twenty-first century fascism is no different.

###

trans women: "I want to feel submissive and breedable so that makes me a woman. The gender role concept I identify with should be what defines what I am."

Real life trans women- not the misogynistic internet caricature of trans women that originated in alt-right meme factories- literally do no believe this. They do not fit this.

Hell, if you;d ever actually bothered to read Whipping Girl, you'd see a clear example of this:

“While some male "admirers" of trans women tend to fetishize us for our femininity or our imagined sexual submissiveness, I find trans women hot because we are anything but docile or demure. In order to survive as a trans woman, you must be, by definition, impervious, unflinching, and tenacious. In a culture in which femaleness and femininity are on the receiving end of a seemingly endless smear campaign, there is no act more brave - especially for someone assigned a male sex at birth - than embracing one's femme self.

― Julia Serano, Whipping Girl: A Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity

###

Feminists: "womanhood is the lived experience of existing in a female body. The gender role concept of femininity is oppressive and should be dismantled."

Actually, feminists- especially black and brown feminists- reject the attempt define womanhood because it is inherently subjective. They understand that defining a woman and one experience of women ("womanhood") 1.) will leave a lot of women out, and 2.) is ultimately about power.

We can no longer ignore how biology, biological discourse, and the terms and words we use to refer to our material reality are structured by historic and current social and political views. A biological reality becomes cognitively significant through this discourse and these terms we use and concepts we engage with. So, defining “women” as “females” -- and thus emphasizing a label that is ascribed to all at birth along patriarchal standards of "correct" genitalia and "best" fertility -- is itself a political choice influenced by one’s socialization rather than one that can claim to neutrally reflect what the world is “really” and "materially" like.

The reliance upon one standard definition not just for the women's-experience, but also for the female-experience, is laughable, at best. And not just because definitions are inherently imprecise and inadequately encompass the entirety of our lived experienced and the material world. But also because the definitions of words are literally socially constructed. They were created and have since been defined and influenced by oppressive structures like the patriarchy and white supremacy and colonialism. This defining of our experiences is influenced by cissexism, intersexism, heterosexism, and sexism.

There isn't a single property that makes "womanhood" or "femaleness." And that's pretty widely accepted. There's no single thing that single-handedly makes for "womanhood." It's not like after a certain number or configuration of properties converging at a particular time, you get "womanhood." There should never be some one standard against which all bodies are compared or measured for the correct amount of "femaleness" or "womanhood."

So, when people want to create a standard measure for "femaleness" or "womanhood," we need to ask WHO gets to set these standards or properties of "femaleness" or "womanhood" and WHY they're the authority. In any claim about which measures or properties are adequately "woman-enough" are assumptions about power and authority. Who has the power and authority in our society to decide who is "woman-enough?"

The fact society defines "women" as ova producers and child bearers (i.e. the very definition of human female; the sex that has the ability or potential to bear offspring or produce eggs) or even as vagina havers and uterus havers (i.e. the insistence that, "only someone with a uterus or vagina is a woman") is a result of socialization in a male dominant society that has striven to define "woman" as a discrete biological class, female.

Even radical feminist Catharine MacKinnon (an actual radical feminist, and she supports trans women) understood that to be defined as female is to be an object. You do not get to consent to yourself; to your femaleness. It has been defined and ascribed to you and for you. Because male dominant society must see to it that female is a woman and "clearly" a woman, opposite that of "man." It must see to it that women are women and men are men and that the two ought be separate because this allows said society to prescribe certain bounds to each group.

Certain bounds of behavior. Certain bounds of public life. Certain bounds of private life. Certain bounds of presentation.

And this all helps foster the reification of gendered associations that decrease the perception of women as empowered agents and even human. These bounds of behavior assign to men the role of Aggressor and to women the role of passive Recipient, helping to reproduce sexual violence against women by decreasing their agency. These social prescriptions encourage men to act on behalf of women from making financial or relationship decisions, to deciding when and where and how a woman has sex, to the definition and social prescription of "female," and to the reproductive alienation of those assigned female.

Thus, "female" is far from a neutral scientific observation and "woman" is far from a scientific category.

“Any attempt to catalog the commonalities among women … has the inescapable result that there is some correct way to be a woman. This will inevitably encourage and legitimize certain experiences of gender and discourage and delegitimize others, subtly reinforcing and entrenching precisely those forces of socialization of which feminists claim to be critical.” -Carol Hay

[ritamaryley]

Spiritual people seek the absolute truth.

My opinion:

Absolutely truth is too painfull and disappointing. People don't like the truth even the spiritual people are looking for it. I think that they are looking honesty and intimazy. Even I don't like tho hear painfull truth and ask some spice to that information so it's easyer to take like metaphor.

Most often people who ends up into spiritual path had so tradic past (or boring) that they don't have options to go back. Some of them are running and others slowing down and enjoying the view.

So the first one's looks answers that would make their pain go away and after disappointment they switch immediately to another one without integrating. It might work but they keep missing the point by rushing. Symbol of this coin could be the rabbit.

Meanwhile the slower person keeps trying believe everything they hear and keeps stagnated into false believes and practises, because someone told them it works. They might be so afraid that they are afraid to press gas. Instead of that they keep second questioning everything without starting anything. The flip side of this coin is turtle who is wise. How to become the turtle who knows the truth?

The rabbit apologized to the turtle, admitting his mistake. He learned a valuable lesson that day: never underestimate anyone, no matter how weak or slow they seem to be.

They hope that truth will set their soul free. But it isn't easy to listen someone that gives answer that doesn't make you happy. So that's why spirituality is to meditate and look inwards instead. But even meditation can be distraction from the truth.

I would like to use Reality instead because truth makes things more mystical.

But this symbolism made me think more about the Rabjit and Turtle story's hidden meaning. Here's some more so you can compare it with spiritual path:

It's good to be individually brilliant and to have strong core competencies. However, one person can only achieve so much. If you are able to work in a team and harness each other's core competencies, the sum of whole will be greater than the sum of parts. Teamwork is mainly about situational leadership, letting the person with the relevant core competency for a situation take leadership. 

To sum up, the story of the rabbit and tortoise teaches us many things.

(1) The fast and consistent will always win the slow and steady.

(2) Know your strengths and weaknesses. Leverage on your strengths and minimize exposure to your weaknesses.

(3) Pool resources and work with a team. The sum of the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.

(4) We learn more from failures than successes.

(5) Compete against the situation - not against a rival.

(6) Situational leadership is an effective way to leverage on one another's strengths.

So.. Is success the truth ? Or is failure the truth because sometimes it isn't fun to hear?

For me truth is always success even if it's feedback or critiquing my skills. Because seeing all the failure made me good with art and communicating. Failure is success also but signals of something THAT I can evolve.

The truth is not to be perfectionist.

Keep living and see how trees are doing it.

The only race they take with each other is growing tall and making huge root system.. And still they might get fallen, parasites eaten them, or thunder makes them burned... And even then, they keep growing.

One truth might me that living material world is painfull and you have to get used to it.

You will find your way.

[liliumwallichianum]

Dear D,

I hope one day I stop thinking about you. I hope I stop including you in every plan I dream about in the future. I hope one day, if you're really not it for me, that if your name comes up in convo that I don't feel a knot in my heart. Yes my heart not my stomach. Because currently that's where you reside in my body, and I don't know why.

I really don't know what it is about you. Maybe it's that you feel really really safe to my body, mind and soul. Maybe it's that you have class and decency... maybe you're elegant because you went to a snobby prep school or because you are an older brother, or maybe it was because of the way you were raised.. but you are a good and kind man despite your flaws. Maybe it's that you are self-made and successful. Maybe it's because you are actually so cute and cool. You are well-traveled and adventurous. You read a lot and are intelligent... You look handsome like 10/10 times I see you :p

I don't think it's wrong of me to want these things in my future partner. And it almost feels like everyone wants to punish me for wanting you for these things. But it's really hard to explain. It's even hard to explain to you, no matter how many times I've tried. The only thing that I was ever able to articulate to people was the fact that you helped V fix his resume when he lost his job lmfao. But it's all a feeling thats so much more than your kindness and generosity.

It really hurts that we may never be friendly to each other again. It's hard for me to be your acquaintance I hope you understand. I miss texting you so much D. I miss you so much to the point that i'm crying while typing this! I don't understand it at all besides that fact that you really were the coolest person I knew and I miss you. Cool isn't even the adjective I want to describe you with idk. It's all really hard. But I really pray I stop feeling this way about you because I want to move on. I need to put roots somewhere and I'm tired of dreaming about planting them somewhere with you. fuck man this hurts.

but after pain and struggle always comes victory. and i need to keep telling myself this right now because my life is ready to move on and I need to get on board.

I hope you feel my hug and presence any time you are in our hometown <3

goodbye D

-N

maybe I was holding on from a past lifetime or future one....